Breathe
by xacciodeathlyhallows
Summary: Rizzles. Maura has cancer and Jane stays at her bedside trying to comfort her until the last second. TW: Death. I wrote this based on a post by imagineyourotp on Tumblr. I don't own Rizzoli & Isles, but if I did Rizzles would be canon.


I remember sitting by Maura's side, tears stinging my eyes as I stared down at her, watching her die. I had been watching her die for months. The cancer had spread to her lungs and it was getting more difficult for her to breathe on her own; a machine did most of her breathing for her now. Her eyes were dull, no longer the beautiful hazel that they had been. They weren't the eyes I used to get lost in. They were no longer full of life. She looked fragile and her skin was pale. I was scared that if I hugged her too tight, she would break in half. She was dying right in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do. Each time she looked up at me with those lifeless eyes, I had to force myself not to cry. I had visited her every day she was in the hospital. I tried to act like everything was going to be okay and tell her she would come home with me soon, but I knew that wasn't likely.

I had held her hand and kissed it softly, telling her I love her. She smiled at me, but it wasn't a Maura smile. It wasn't full of joy like a Maura smile was. It was a weak smile, but I knew it was all she could muster. I looked down at my lap and closed my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying. I didn't want her to leave me. She was the most important person in my life and I love her with my whole heart. Tears started falling from my eyes as I thought about all the things we would never be able to do together. We could never get married. We could never have children of our own. I would never be Mrs. Jane Rizzoli-Isles. I thought of all the places we wouldn't be able to go together. All of the adventures we would never have together. I didn't want to be so pessimistic, but I knew we didn't have very much time together.

I finally let go of Maura's hand and wiped the tears from my eyes. She was asleep. I always made sure to wait until she was asleep to cry so she wouldn't feel bad. She felt guilty that she had cancer, even though it wasn't her fault. She insisted that if she had gone to the doctor's more often, they would have caught it in time for her to be okay, and she would still be at work and she wouldn't be hurting me, or ma, or Frost, or Korsak. She would never forgive herself because I had to work with Pike as the chief medical examiner in her absence. I didn't go to work very often anymore though. I couldn't be there without Maura there. It hurt too much. Once I finally looked up, my eyes puffy and red from crying, Maura was awake.

"_Jane…" _

I loved the sound of my name from her mouth. Her voice was weak, but she was still Maura and she still had that sweet voice that never failed to make me smile when I heard it. I smiled softly at her and scooted my uncomfortable chair closer to her bed.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." I said, moving her hair out of her face and kissing her forehead softly. She lifted her frail arms, wrapping them around me and hugging me as tight as she could. That was when the tears started. I started sobbing uncontrollably and I felt horrible. I felt horrible and selfish.

"_I'm sorry."_ She said, running her bony fingers through my hair.

"It's okay, Maur." I tell her, trying to calm myself down. Once I manage to stop crying like a baby, I sit up, staring into her beautiful hazel eyes. Even with all of the life sucked out of them, they're still beautiful. They're beautiful because they're Maura and Maura is beautiful. "You know, it's not very easy to kiss you with that thing coming out of your nose." I tease her, kissing her on the nose.

"This _thing_ is helping me stay alive right now, Jane. I'd think you'd be more appreciative of it. The part in my nose is called a cannula. Then these tubes tucked behind my ears attach to the machine over there called and oxygen concentrator. It's delivering pure oxygen into my nose through the cannula so that it feels a little bit less difficult for me to breathe. It helps me feel as if I'm less sick than I really am" she informed me factually. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Thank you, talking google." I teased. She was acting like the same old Maura I had fallen in love with, and it gave me hope that maybe she could recover. Maybe she could beat the cancer that plagued her body. Maura took the cannula out of her nose and pulled me in to kiss her. I was worried that maybe she shouldn't have taken it out, but I can't be the judge of how strong her lungs are feeling. I kissed her gently, being careful not to be too rough. She seemed to be getting frustrated and suddenly her tongue had entered my mouth, dancing around my tongue as she moaned softly. After a few minutes of kissing, we finally pulled away. She put the cannula back into her nose. I helped her tuck the tubes behind her ears while she groaned and complained that it tickled her nose and she'd rather be breathing on her own.

She couldn't breathe on her own though. It was too difficult and the feeling of being unable to breathe caused her to have panic attacks. I'd only experienced one of her panic attacks due to a lack of breath and it was terrifying. Her lungs filled up with this nasty brown fluid that resembled beer and they had a tube drain her lungs every once in a while. The medications she was taking were supposed to stop that from happening, but they only helped one out of every three people, and apparently Maura wasn't that one. Maura looked up at me, her eyes looked happier than they had in a long time.

"I'm going to get better, Jane. I promise. I'm going to get better and I'll go home and we'll be able to grow old together." She said with a grin on her face and tears in her eyes.

"You will? Really?" I asked, grinning and full of hope. She nodded at me and closed her eyes.

"Yes. I promise." She said, her voice faltering slightly at the end.

A few minutes later, her heart monitor flatlined. Now here I am at Maura's funeral a week later, staring over her casket with tears falling from my eyes.


End file.
